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2013

Happy New Year to each and every reader. It has been an honour to share my work with you all. I hope 2013 will be a year of greatness for you all. Thank you for the love, read, comment and support.

“Reach high,for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep,for every dream precedes the goal.”-PV Starr

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Posted by on January 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

The Cynical Way Of Love

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Dear Ex-lover,

When I began to write this letter I thought long and hard as to whether opening my heart to anyone or anything for that matter was worth the pain that would soon follow. I write this not as the bitter ex and the psychotic bitch you continued to portray me for the sake of loving me but rather a young women who appreciates the heartache, the lies and the emotional abuse I was subjected to for 2 years.  I love how you portray yourself as this loving and kind hearted being when you’re as cruel as those strangers who stay spiteful things to other’s with the mission to crush their entire being.

I dedicated 2 years of my life, disregarding who I am for you. I turned my back on my friends, family, and my ancestors. I lied covering your torment. I lied about who I was and the person I became whilst I was with you. I compromised so much of myself, today I find myself in a position where I am finding myself. I am lost. I do not have much of an identity. I cling to the same things that kept me going while you continued strip me of my pride. You played on my insecurities, you knew each and everything about me and yet I was only told the few bits when you turned to that bitch and confided in her instead. You never trusted me and wondered why I stopped. You isolated me. I was an outsider whose job was to cater to your every need while you sought for that perfect woman. The day I packed my bags and left you couldn’t wait to tell me about how you found comfort in the arms of another. My entire being was shattered. I questioned my reason for living as all hope at that moment had disappeared.

I continued to communicate with you and eventually saw how silly I was. How could I ever allow the man who broke me and nearly destroyed me back in my life ever again? How could I dare allow myself to feel anything for you when all you did was cause turmoil in my life? I found myself in the position of any victim. I was in denial. Until you again proved to me you loved having me depend on you. You never loved me; you loved the idea of me. You loved the helpless and confused woman who was not sure about anything. My insecurities attracted you. You loved the benefits.

I am not denying any role I played however as the humble and kind soul you claimed to be a sense of compassion or just humility should have stopped you into being the beast you truly are. But again that would be expecting too much. The day I left again was more about clearing your conscious more than anything else. I left with so much hatred in my heart.

I found love. Love for myself. I was a victim. A victim of how cruel people could be. I was naïve. Naïve into thinking that you loved me and had my best interests at heart when all you cared for was yourself. I was stupid. Instead of being the strong woman I am, I allowed you to manipulate me and play on each misfortune I suffered. I was helpless. I watched and saw myself drift into a coma where I eventually became numb and felt nothing but pain each and every day and thought that’s the other side of love. I loved you. You hurt and betrayed me in ways I cannot imagine. I have learned. I have learned so many valuable lessons that today I am an advocate of helping other’s deal with such cruelty. Thank you for the heart wrenching experience. Thank you for ultimately destroying my old self and moulding me to be who I am today.

 

From: The One that got away!

 

 
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Posted by on December 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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The Latest at The Bantu Observer!

After much behind the scenes work and pushing myself, I have been made the editor of The Bantu Observer! This is the start of many greater things to come!

The site has also been updated! Be sure to check it out! Remember, its http://www.bantuobserver.com .

Thank you for your support through it all!

 
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Posted by on December 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Equality!

“The woman came from a man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved.”

– Author Unknown

 
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Posted by on December 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Yes!

The woman came from a man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved.

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

New Post on The Bantu Observer!

A Must Read! Africa: Solving her Problems | Reality or Dream? | http://t.co/gOGZhA2j via @BantuObserver

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

A Poem That Says It All!

Native Refugee wrote:

Dear Ex Lover

I promise I’ll stop chasing your memory in my dreams
I’ll stop bringing your name up over cups of coffee, muffins, and loneliness
I will marry a man and I will lay my heart on his chest like red roses on Mahogany caskets and I’ll have his daughter and she’ll have eyes reminding me that God still believes in second chances and if she ever decided to love a woman, i will love bravery down her spine
I will be reminded of all the times that we loved, like there were expiration dates tattooed on our inner thighs
If she ever comes home with eyelids like cracking Levis and bruised kneecaps and a heart filled with question marks I will hold her like my mother never held me
I will clasp her face in my palms like the new testament on judgment day
I’ll tell her that love is the passion that allows you to do the right thing, and that no woman can play coaster to a half empty heart

And if she ever feels as if she is alone, as if she is a hand-me-down pulled out of the depths of mummy’s closet
I’ll remember your name and I’ll mumble it under my breath and if she asks me what I said; I’ll tell her I know what it’s like to drag a woman out of a cold war and then being too worn to clean up the battlefield that it has made of you
I’ll tell her that your heartbeat sounded like gun shells tripping over battered cement I’ll tell her that i know what it’s like just to want someone to remember you and that some women are as foul as expired men in produce isles and that apologies are like oxygen masks on a hijacked plane
Forgive yourself before you EVER forgive the person sitting next to you
I’ll tell her to never regret loving in permanent ink,
and that scars only give you stretch marks, something to gossip about and that hearts and stop signs are fraternal twins, lost in open roads and hollow chests
And if my daughter’s mirror ever looks unfamiliar and she’s too embarrassed and proud to run into mummy’s arms I’ll pray, that she has friends with hearts filled with thousands of fire flies, who are not too cold to pray with her, who will tell her to stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and find God in the darkness

If my daughter ever walks in my house like shattering glass, I’ll tell her about you. I’ll tell her that we hurt like c-sections birthing dead babies, and that we cried together, and we prayed together, and we smiled together like our smiles were the only ones that mattered in this world
And that we hurt like women who loved women, who loved people that did no love us

Dear Ex Lover,

I hope my daughter never knows what a goodbye kiss feels like

I hope she never knows what “I’ll see you later” really means

I hope she never memorizes the dial-tone of a last conversation,

because a broken heart feels like poisoned butterflies taking their last flutters in the pit of your stomach

Dear Ex Lover,

I hope my daughter never bears her soul at a poetry showcase

with her first love sitting in the audience

Knowing that the hands she’ll use to applaud her with,

will be the same hands that will never hold her again

-J Mans

 
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Posted by on November 21, 2012 in Uncategorized